caranfindel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
caranfindel) wrote2019-01-23 12:55 pm
caranfindel) wrote2019-01-23 12:55 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: And no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
An episode coda for 14.10. Spoilers, obviously.
There's an archangel in the bunker.
It's the last thing on Sam's mind when he falls asleep. It's the first thing on his mind when he wakes up. It's there in between, walking through his dreams, smiling a pretty smile as it tears Sam apart.
(Wearing Dean's face because the archangel is inside Dean and when Sam thinks about that part of it he can't breathe.)
It's not fair for Sam to be afraid. Dean has more to fear than Sam does. The archangel doesn't care about Sam. At best, he's a fly to be swatted. At worst, he's bait, or a tool to be used to hurt Dean. But Dean's the one who will be truly destroyed if the archangel escapes.
(Nothing but blood and bone, he said.)
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
In the dark quiet, Sam can feel its power, a low hum thrumming through his bones. He can taste it on the back of his tongue, the sharp bite of ozone and icy winter air. In the bustle of the crowded bunker the archangel is harder to detect, and Sam finds himself staring at Dean. Watching. Waiting. Ever on guard for a flash of blue in Dean's eyes, an unfamiliar (too familiar) sneer, a stilted pattern of speech.
It's not fair to worry about the archangel breaking free. There's no reason to believe Dean can't hold him as long as it takes. Dean is strong. Dean can hold him forever, if he has to.
Dean catches him staring, but he doesn't look angry. He just looks sad. It's okay, Sam. I got him.
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
Sam suggests they should ward the bunker somehow, but Dean laughs a bitter, humorless laugh. He taps a finger against his head. Once he gets out of here, it's too late. Doesn't matter how well the bunker is warded. There's nothing we can do if we let it get that far.
But Cas tells Sam about the sigil Kevin found, back when Sam was possessed by Gadreel (because Dean still won't talk to Sam about Gadreel, but apparently Cas heard some drunken confessions), the sigil that stops an angel from hearing what its vessel hears. Sam surreptitiously paints the sigil around the bunker, in the dungeon and in his bedroom and under the map table, and even manages to slide a painted board under Dean's mattress while his brother is in the shower.
He doesn't know if it will work. He would pray that it does, but there's no one to pray to.
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
Sam is irrationally angry about it sometimes. He wants to shake Dean and shout in his face, ask him why he would do this, what did he accomplish.
(He saved Sam. He saved Jack. He may have saved the world, or he may have just delayed its destruction.)
(Blood and bone. There will be nothing left but blood and bone.)
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
Dean refuses to talk about the archangel. And it's okay, it's his choice. He's the one who's got an archangel trapped inside his mind. He's the one listening to the archangel pound and scream. If he doesn't want to talk about it, it's okay. If he can't talk about it, Sam should respect that.
But Sam knows what it's like to have someone else inside your skull. Yes, it's different. Gadreel was hidden from him, and Lucifer? Sam had Lucifer in his head because he was weak and broken enough to let him in.
(Lucifer wasn't real. Wasn't even fucking real.)
Dean has an archangel in his head because he's strong enough to trap him there. It's not the same thing at all. But Sam has techniques. Distraction, relaxation, meditation... things that helped. They didn't help enough. Sam still went insane because of the archangel in his head. But Dean is strong. Stronger than Sam, probably. They might help, if only he would try.
So Sam goes into Dean's room. His brother is sitting on the bed and refuses to look up at him, but Sam doesn't let that stop him. He asks Dean to please let him help. He tells him that he has faith in him and this is something they can do together, this is something Sam can help him with, that there's nothing they can't do if they join together.
Dean sighs and finally looks at Sam and he has tears in his eyes. He takes a small black book off his nightstand and turns it over and over in his hands and says Sammy, we need to talk.
There's an archangel in the bunker, but that's not the worst part. The worst part is what happens next.
~~~~~~~~~~
The title is from "Through Glass" by Stone Sour.
There's an archangel in the bunker.
It's the last thing on Sam's mind when he falls asleep. It's the first thing on his mind when he wakes up. It's there in between, walking through his dreams, smiling a pretty smile as it tears Sam apart.
(Wearing Dean's face because the archangel is inside Dean and when Sam thinks about that part of it he can't breathe.)
It's not fair for Sam to be afraid. Dean has more to fear than Sam does. The archangel doesn't care about Sam. At best, he's a fly to be swatted. At worst, he's bait, or a tool to be used to hurt Dean. But Dean's the one who will be truly destroyed if the archangel escapes.
(Nothing but blood and bone, he said.)
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
In the dark quiet, Sam can feel its power, a low hum thrumming through his bones. He can taste it on the back of his tongue, the sharp bite of ozone and icy winter air. In the bustle of the crowded bunker the archangel is harder to detect, and Sam finds himself staring at Dean. Watching. Waiting. Ever on guard for a flash of blue in Dean's eyes, an unfamiliar (too familiar) sneer, a stilted pattern of speech.
It's not fair to worry about the archangel breaking free. There's no reason to believe Dean can't hold him as long as it takes. Dean is strong. Dean can hold him forever, if he has to.
Dean catches him staring, but he doesn't look angry. He just looks sad. It's okay, Sam. I got him.
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
Sam suggests they should ward the bunker somehow, but Dean laughs a bitter, humorless laugh. He taps a finger against his head. Once he gets out of here, it's too late. Doesn't matter how well the bunker is warded. There's nothing we can do if we let it get that far.
But Cas tells Sam about the sigil Kevin found, back when Sam was possessed by Gadreel (because Dean still won't talk to Sam about Gadreel, but apparently Cas heard some drunken confessions), the sigil that stops an angel from hearing what its vessel hears. Sam surreptitiously paints the sigil around the bunker, in the dungeon and in his bedroom and under the map table, and even manages to slide a painted board under Dean's mattress while his brother is in the shower.
He doesn't know if it will work. He would pray that it does, but there's no one to pray to.
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
Sam is irrationally angry about it sometimes. He wants to shake Dean and shout in his face, ask him why he would do this, what did he accomplish.
(He saved Sam. He saved Jack. He may have saved the world, or he may have just delayed its destruction.)
(Blood and bone. There will be nothing left but blood and bone.)
. . .
There's an archangel in the bunker.
Dean refuses to talk about the archangel. And it's okay, it's his choice. He's the one who's got an archangel trapped inside his mind. He's the one listening to the archangel pound and scream. If he doesn't want to talk about it, it's okay. If he can't talk about it, Sam should respect that.
But Sam knows what it's like to have someone else inside your skull. Yes, it's different. Gadreel was hidden from him, and Lucifer? Sam had Lucifer in his head because he was weak and broken enough to let him in.
(Lucifer wasn't real. Wasn't even fucking real.)
Dean has an archangel in his head because he's strong enough to trap him there. It's not the same thing at all. But Sam has techniques. Distraction, relaxation, meditation... things that helped. They didn't help enough. Sam still went insane because of the archangel in his head. But Dean is strong. Stronger than Sam, probably. They might help, if only he would try.
So Sam goes into Dean's room. His brother is sitting on the bed and refuses to look up at him, but Sam doesn't let that stop him. He asks Dean to please let him help. He tells him that he has faith in him and this is something they can do together, this is something Sam can help him with, that there's nothing they can't do if they join together.
Dean sighs and finally looks at Sam and he has tears in his eyes. He takes a small black book off his nightstand and turns it over and over in his hands and says Sammy, we need to talk.
There's an archangel in the bunker, but that's not the worst part. The worst part is what happens next.
~~~~~~~~~~
The title is from "Through Glass" by Stone Sour.