When the New York Times said "God is dead and the war's begun" (a coda for 14.20, "Moriah")

Genre: Gen, angst, hurt!Sam
Length: ~10K
Rating: R for language and a bit of violence (and let's face it, lots of blasphemy)
Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Gabriel, Chuck Shurley
Spoilers: Through 14.20
Synopsis: Follows immediately after "It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah." Sam shot God. God is pissed. And He's going to do something about it. (The title is from "Levon" by Elton John. Yes, I should have chosen another title from "Hallelujah." I didn't. Oh well.)


Thursday

It's Thursday morning, two days after the showdown in the cemetery, and it's still dark. Or maybe it's not really two days later. Or even morning. Dean's watch is still stopped, but the clock in his bedroom says it's 8:35 a.m on a Thursday. But do days and mornings even exist when the sun won't rise? Jack is dead and burned. Cas is gone, fucked off to Heaven to rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic, and ignoring or not hearing their prayers. And it's still dark. Phones don't work and there's no TV or internet or radio and the sun still doesn't rise.

They've definitely screwed the pooch this time.

At least the bunker, bless her mysterious little heart, still has utilities from wherever she gets them from. Dean takes long hot showers, cooks food they'll both only pick at, cleans his guns, and regularly confirms that his phone still says No Service. And watches Sam. For his part, Sam reads, plows through the card catalog like he expects to find a book titled So You Tried to Kill God and Now He's Pissed, checks his laptop as obsessively as Dean checks his phone, and sometimes he does what he's doing now — just sits at the library table with his head in his hands, ignoring the book in front of him, doing nothing.

Well. Mourning probably counts as something.

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But you don’t really care for music, do you? A coda for 14.20, "Moriah."

TW: Suicide

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Last week kalliel posted this review of 14.15, "Peace of Mind," that basically made me want to curl up in the corner and sob, especially when she talks about Sam breaking down (or just breaking) and telling Dean how much he hates the bunker right now, and how he needs a break, and Dean just saying "okay" and wandering off, and just go read it if you haven't, okay?

And then earlier this week finchandsparrow posted a review of 14.05, "Nightmare Logic," which may be delayed but is definitely worth the read. Particularly the bits about the performative nature of Mary's interactions with her sons, about how she seems to work so hard at looking like she has a real, actual relationship with them, and yet, there's nothing there.

So it was fitting, perhaps, that I caught 12.13, "Family Feud," as a TNT rerun yesterday, because it combines these two things: Sam needing something from his family that he's not getting, and Mary trying to look like she cares.

If you're reading this and thinking but Dean doesn't get what he needs either! then let me assure you I agree with you. But I'm talking about Sam right now.

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