caranfindel

THEN: Okay, I've been expecting the boring mytharc catchup episode for a while, and the THEN confirms this is it. We got Lucifer's escape from AU!Michael, we got Asmodeus and Casmodeus, we got those two crazy road-tripping angels, we got precious depressed Sam and "trust me" Dean from last week's episode. Adjust your expectations, everyone.

NOW: Cas stumbles through a forest, with flashbacks of his fight with Lucifer, and then apparently passes out. He's discovered by a couple of kids who poke him with a stick, as one does when one thinks they've found a body. He wakes up and returns to Asmodeus's lair, seemingly surprised that Lucifer isn't there waiting for him. I mean, dude. You stabbed him. He's evil, but he's not stupid.

Cut to a girl roller-skating, badly, down a city sidewalk. She runs into a guy carrying a wedding cake and he catches her, and she says "I just fell for you," and I guess it's supposed to be a meet-cute, but I'm too distracted trying to figure out if this actress is who I think it is. Because, okay, I was a little spoiled for this week's Very Special Guest Star. And honestly, even on rewatch, I still don't know. Anyway. Turns out the meet-cute happened under Cupid's watchful eye. And Lucifer just found him.

Title card!

Lucifer takes Cupid's grace (anyone else glad Cupids wear clothes now?) and asks where he can find more angels, but Cupid doesn't know of any. He says there aren't many left. Lucifer responds by shoving his fist through Cupid's chest, and I think he's going to rip out his heart and show it to him before he dies, because that seems like a deliciously ironic way to kill a Cupid, but Lucifer doesn't have my imagination (good or bad? discuss) and he just pokes a hole through him. Which is still fatal, so. Mission accomplished.

Cut to the bunker, where Cas has just explained that he's been held captive, with Lucifer, for weeks. The guys are horrified to find there's an AU!angel tablet (LOL, I don't even remember the status of the tablets in this world) that AU!Michael plans to use to conquer our world, and that Cas met with Lucifer to try to stop it. Yes, Lucifer, who is free in our world again.

After two glorious episodes where Sam is allowed to feel things and react to everything that happened to him in the last few years, we're back to the status quo where that isn't really a thing. However, what they don't give him in the script, Jared makes up for in body language, literally stepping back in horror and swallowing nervously and speaking a little shaky. Dean takes it in as Dean generally does, as in, oh great, what's going to kill me TODAY? and very thoughtfully tells Cas "I specifically told you not to do anything stupid," and I just love them so much, y'all. Cas insists it wasn't stupid, because (1) Lucifer is weakened, and (b) Cas would know if he was lying, and remember back when they first met Mick Davies (may he rest in peace) and Cas said he could tell he wasn't lying? Why does Cas think he's a lie detector now? When did this happen? Sam asks if Lucifer said anything about Mary (and his voice breaks a little bit, dammit) and Cas says all he knows is that she's alive. Well, that's a lie. He knows more than that. Unless he decided Lucifer was lying when he claimed Mary was being tortured by AU!Michael. Oh, what am I saying? Of course Cas knew he was lying. Because Cas is a lie detector now.

Hush. Just look at the pretty pictures.

Lucifer's walking down the street. He's surprised to find himself cold and hungry, and without an an angel in sight to harvest. Wah. He stares hungrily at people dining at a restaurant called Late's Burgers, and the name is probably supposed to mean something, don't you think? Because they really put it out there. I haven't figured out the significance, though. He notices a nearby panhandler, but before he can thrust his fist through the guy's chest and take his money, we cut to Colonel Asmodeus.

The good colonel is complaining about his minions being unable to hold onto Lucifer while he was gone on an "important errand." It turns out he's talking to Ketch, who seems completely unafraid of him. To the point of calling him "monumentally stupid," for running that errand, and staring him down when Asmodeus gets in his face. Hmmm. How sure are we that what we got back is 100% human? Because either Ketch is a very good actor, or he's not at all afraid of this extremely powerful demon. Asmodeus orders Ketch to kill Lucifer, telling him that since he's weakened, an angel blade will "probably" kill him. And it needs to be done before he gets charged up again, or "we're all dead."

Back to Lucifer, who (to my surprise) is trying to beg for money himself rather than just stealing the nice panhandler's box. He's unsuccessful, and the panhandler tells him it's because of his offputting vibe. "People don't take to you," he says. Hey, remember when Lucifer was actually very seductive and persuasive? When he was only whiny and petulant in Sam's hallucinations? Those were good times, weren't they? But the Lucifer we have now complains that "being human sucks," and I can't exactly argue with that. The nice panhandler decides it's time to quit for the day, even though people are literally walking by him every few seconds and handing him money. This seems like prime panhandlin' time to me. But he asks Lucifer if he's hungry.

We see them walking by a restaurant, and for the first time I notice that our friendly panhandler is on crutches. So he's nice and he's handicapped? This guy's going to be dead before the next break; I'm sure of it. Lucifer assumes they're going into the restaurant, but they're actually dumpster diving out back. Because it turns out our friendly panhandler is saving his money to get his leg fixed. Not by a doctor, but by Sister Jo, the faith healer. She's not cheap, but she can heal anything. With her glowy healing touch. Hmmm! That sounds familiar.

Back at the bunker, in the always-flattering light of the map table room, Dean and Cas discuss the "long shot" they've apparently come up with. Dean apologizes for not trying to find him while he was held prisoner. Cas insists he's fine, and when Dean asks "are you sure?", which means he's not fine, he responds that all that matters is rescuing Jack and Mary. The door opens, signaling the arrival of... Sam and Donatello! Oh, Donatello. The more often they bring you back, the more certain I am that you're going to die in the next-to-last episode of s13. Dean asks how he's doing, and he says "Oh, the usual. Bewildered." Bless him.

So, the long shot plan is that they're going to capture Lucifer, who should be susceptible to the "angel cuffs" in his weakened state. (Angel cuffs? Have I forgotten something? Are these different from the demon cuffs?) They'll use his grace to open the rift and rescue Mary and Jack. And the spell they need is on the angel tablet.

Sidebar: Have you ever wondered how they crammed so much information onto those tablets? I mean, each of those characters must translate into a complete sentence in English. Maybe even a paragraph.

Since Team Free Will no longer has an angel tablet (what happened to it, I literally cannot recall), they hope the spell is also on their demon tablet. Now, it took Kevin months to translate a tablet, but he was only a high school student, and Donatello is a college professor, so presumably he'll be able to whip it out in less than an hour. I mean. That one's a triangle, and there's an asterisk. How hard can this be? But Donatello declares "these glyphs, they're nearly impenetrable." However, he can do it with the aid of several buckets of chicken wings. Just one more reason to love the man.

They're interrupted when Cas starts receiving a painful announcement on angel radio - a mutilated vessel has been found. Once again, I find it interesting that angels recognize previously-used vessels. Not interesting in a that's stupid and flies in the face of continuity kind of way, just in an observationally interesting way. Donatello is shocked that someone's killing angels, and the guys are all, oh, yeah, you've missed a few episodes.

Next we find ourselves outside a building called Elgin Hall, and judging by the condition of the people going inside, I think we're going to find our "faith healer" here. We see a woman put a few bills in another woman's hand. There's a sign that says For the Fallen, Minimum $300, (for the fallen angel, get it?) and the minimum $300 is put in a cash box. Honestly, I wouldn't say there's even $300 total in that box, let alone multiples of $300. It looks like a pile of ones and twenties.

That's a whole lot of George Washington in there. Just saying.

But that's not important. What is important is that the angel pretending to be a faith healer is played by none other than Danneel Ackles, aka Mrs. Jensen Ackles, because this show is just a hotbed of nepotism. (And there, I've used hot and bed and Jensen Ackles in a sentence and it wasn't even dirty.) So does that mean Skater Girl in the opening wasn't played by Danneel? Because she sure looked like her.

Is Skater Girl supposed to be the same character? And if not, why would they cast someone who looks so much like Danneel? Discuss.

"Sister Jo" heals a woman with a walker and a young man with severe scars as Lucifer watches happily in the background.

We briefly cut to Team Free Will in suits and overcoats (\o/) at the site where Cupid's vessel was found. They determine, from the neck injury, that Lucifer is refueling his grace.

Can't we just stay here for a while?

Back to Sister Jo, sigh. Elgin Hall is empty now. She's counting her money, and when a new supplicant enters, she tells him "we're closed." But it's Lucifer, who calls her by her angel name, which I'm not quite sure of but I'm going to call Anael. She recognizes him as well, and isn't afraid, which surprises him.

The road signs on her backdrop point to Sioux Falls, Lawrence, and Blackwater Ridge. Oh, Show.

Anael got her pretty vessel from a woman who was praying to save her dying husband. Was it the couple from the opening? No, the timeline doesn't work. I guess I have to admit that Skater Girl wasn't Danneel after all. Anyway. She's figured out that humans are desperate little critters, and while she was a so-so angel with a boring job, she's an excellent faith healer. Lucifer's all, cool story, bro, but I gotta steal your grace now. She talks him out of it (saying it's not "cost efficient" when she means "cost effective" and I know I can't blame BuckLeming for everything that happens in this episode, but that is definitely on them) and suggests that he keep her "on tap," feeding off a little bit of her grace at a time and giving her time to recharge, rather than taking it all at once.

But. But. If angels recharge on their own while on earth, why can't Lucifer? Why didn't Cas? Can I blame the BuckLeming for this? {shakes tiny angry fist}

Luckily, my tiny angry fist is calmed by the sight of Sam in his overcoat in front of the weirdly and prominently named Late's Burgers. He shows our friendly panhandler a picture of Lucifer and learns that they had a "lovely chat" about a faith healer.

Yes, thanks, I do feel better.

Back at Elgin Hall, Lucifer is snacking on some of Anael's grace, and no, that's not suggestive at all. She's surprised to hear that he killed his last supplier, and asks if anyone knew he was coming here. It's weird that she's surprised. I mean, angel radio announces that a vessel has been found sucked dry, and then Lucifer shows up and wants to such her dry, and she finds the connection surprising? Anyway. Moving on. Team Free Will shows up, angel blades drawn, and opens the door to find... Arthur Ketch? Huh. I guess Lucifer and Anael aren't at Elgin Hall after all. I hope y'all aren't disappointed in me for falling for that one.

Ketch is as disappointed to see them as they are to see him. Sam asks who he's working for, and he claims he's simply working for humanity, but Cas The Lie Detector apparently detects his lie, but Ketch doesn't come clean. But, everybody's hunting Lucifer, so how about they hunt him together? Ha ha ha no. Cas makes an annoyed face and smites Ketch unconscious with a forehead touch, which is honestly kind of awesome, and they load him into the trunk of the Impala, which is even more awesome. Dean suggests they take him back to the bunker, find out what he knows, put a bullet in him, and then burn him, which is what you should have done the first time. (Although, it turns out it wouldn't have made a difference, since Rowena's resurrection spell is effective even when you've been burnt to a crisp). But then, for some reason, Sam interrupts to show a video of Sister Jo healing someone. M'kay. I don't get it. Why do this now? Cas sees the video and immediately recognizes that Sister Jo is Anael. I don't know if this makes sense or not, but I've decided not to go down that rabbit hole. Sam's all, if Lucifer harvested her, where's her body? As if it's unheard of for a woman's body to go undiscovered for a few hours/days/months/years. Come on, Sam.

As the Impala zooms down a dark road, Sam's phone buzzes. He set up an alert to let him know when Sister Jo uses her credit card. (Ha ha ha, remember when Charlie had to show him how to hack into a bank? Because we had to demonstrate how awesome and smart Charlie was, and the only way to do that was to make Sam less awesome and smart? Oh, Show.)

That's okay. Just look at Sam's throat until you feel better.

We see Lucifer and Anael at a hotel, where he harvests some more of her grace, and this scene would be pretty hot if it weren't Mark Pellegrino, who I am just completely over right now. I'm going to close my eyes and think about Sam and Ruby instead.

Cause damn.

Afterward, they share some pillow talk. Anael enjoys the emotions she feels at the "almost human" stage of losing most of her grace. She hated her boring Heaven job, and resented that no one would listen to her ideas. Now she's finally free. And Lucifer hates human sensations and has daddy issues.

Moving on, we find ourselves in Asmodeus's digs. A minion tells him they've found the prophet. Cut to the prophet, picking up a bucket of chicken wings. He sees Cas and is all, oh, I thought I felt a presence! But this is obviously Casmodeus, which begs the question, I thought Donatello could sense evil? Asmodeus in particular? So why does he not catch on that this is Asmodeus and not Cas? (Hypothesis: Because the Cas who came back from The Empty is evil, and is indistinguishable from Asmodeus? Discuss.) Casmodeus learns that Donatello has found a spell for opening the rift, but the ingredients are complicated, and that Jack and Mary are in AU!Land. He then morphs back into his own form and instructs Donatello to tell him anything he learns. Apparently he uses some kind of power on him, because Donatello agrees. As the prophet walks away, Colonel Asmodeus takes one of his chicken wings, sniffs at it, and finds it not finger-licking good, tossing it aside with disgust. Hee!

(Also, WHY do the guys keep leaving Donatello alone???)

Team Free Will pulls up to Anael and Lucifer's motel. Lucifer is reading the Bible and complaining that it hasn't been fact-checked and that Dad steals his best lines, which is kind of funny. I know how you feel, Lucifer. I hate continuity errors too. Anael gets a phone call from the "front desk," asking her to come to the office to fix a problem with her credit card. When she leaves the room, the guys confront her, and she claims to be afraid and asks them to help her. She pretends she forgot her key, so when Lucifer opens the door for her, he's confronted by the Winchesters. Cas comes out of the bathroom, which suggests that he teleported in there. Which I don't think he can do. But maybe he climbed in through the window.

Anael says "they forced me to tell them how weak you still are," which of course isn't true - she didn't tell them he's been feeding off some of her grace. The little sneak. Lucifer pretends to stall, telling Sam his hair is magnificent (YES IT IS, EVEN THE DEVIL HIMSELF RECOGNIZES THAT) and Sam is clearly anxious and not okay (which is also magnificent) and Dean BITES HIS LIP (YES YES SO MUCH MAGNIFICENCE).

Doesn't Dean look young here? This is, like, almost Wendigo-era Dean.

Sam hisses for Anael to go, because he wants to save her and he's MAGNIFICENT, and Dean takes out the "angel handcuffs" (whatever) and then Anael flings Sam against the wall. Why not Dean, since he's the one with the handcuffs? I don't know. Maybe she's partial to him. Lucifer flings Cas into the mirror, and sends Dean into the closet, and then isn't willing to leave because wants to "enjoy this." He squeezes the guys insides with his fists, Darth Vader-style, and suddenly Ketch is in the doorway, holding some kind of blue gadget. He hurls the gadget at Lucifer, and there's a burst of fire, but Lucifer grabs Anael and they zap out.

Dean blames Ketch for helping Lucifer escape, which is ridiculous, because he clearly had the upper hand and was going to make an easy getaway. Sam asks how he got out of the trunk, and I honestly forgot that's why he was even there, so that made me laugh. Ketch again suggests they team up against the devil, and Sam asks why they'd ever trust him, so to prove he's sincere, he admits he's working for Asmodeus. Well, there's reason to trust him! Ketch refers to himself as "the lesser of at least three evils," and I'm actually counting four - Asmodeus, Lucifer, AU!Michael, and Ketch. But yeah, he's the only one who even might be slightly on their side, in an enemy-of-my-enemy way. All he asks is that they wait to murder him.

Meanwhile, Lucifer is attempting to sweet-talk the few remaining angels into accepting his help. (The angel formerly known as Robin the Bartender is wearing short pants. What is it with female angels and weird cropped pants?) He reminds them that they need more angels, and he thinks he can create them, having watched Chuck do it. (Well, I mean, I've watched my dad drive a stick shift, but that doesn't mean I can do it, so. I'd give it a pass.) All he wants, in return, is that they name him ruler of Heaven. The angels laugh at him, but then he tells them they can get their wings back (oooh, were Donatello's chicken wings foreshadowing this?) and they stop laughing.

Aftermath! Donatello plows through a bucket of wings (it's a theme!) as Cas and the Winchesters ponder the Ketch situation. Sam, being Sam, compliments Donatello on his progress, and he yells "it's like pulling freaking teeth!" and says he's working his way through the ingredients. But at least they have a plan, Sam says, and we know from last week how Sam feels about not having a plan. Cas gives Donatello a suspicious look.

Heaven. A few angels take a knee in front of Lucifer's throne. Surely this isn't all the angels that are left? Anael stands at his side, having changed into a cute velvet blazer, so I guess she's going to be the only angel who gets a wardrobe change. At least it's not short pants.

Wait. I was wrong. Anael has fallen to the curse of the short pants!

And, finally, at Colonel Asmodeus's place, Ketch complains that he missed Lucifer by seconds, but he'll get him next time. Asmodeus reiterates that they need to kill him, and Ketch says he won't be able to once he's fully powered, and then we learn the truth of Asmodeus's errand. He was collecting a lost artifact that resurfaced. The only known weapon capable of destroying an archangel: the archangel blade. Oh, come on, guys! We've never seen this blade before, and we've seen both Raphael and Gabriel killed. This is just too much. You are never going to be able to make this up to me.

Ketch points out that the archangel blade can only be used by an archangel, but that's no problem, because Asmodeus has someone to introduce. He opens a tiny window into a dank dark cell and we see someone bent over and oh, guys, is this it? Am I actually getting Insane Archangel Michael? Is my dream coming true? Well, not that dream, but maybe a different one, because it's tortured bloody beaten mouth-sewn-shut GABRIEL.

WELL. THAT WAS UNEXPECTED.

They may have made this up to me after all.

SO.

One the one hand, this episode was what I feared. Mytharc, BuckLeming, continuity misses, too much non-Winchester content, no more discussion of Sam's mental state, all the usual suspects. On the other hand. Gabriel. And it's not even unbelievable - Chuck told us he could recreate him. The seed was planted.

What did you think? No spoilers in the comments, please!