caranfindel

Sometimes I have to sit and think about this episode. About this scene.

I have to think about Sam, anxious but defiant. As he always is.

And then he's not defiant. Then he's just anxious. Frightened. And vulnerable.

And how, in the past, we've seen him face his oncoming death with a sneer. How we've always know his last words were either going to be Dean! or fuck you, asshole.

But not this season.

In season 13, he's been in this position twice. At the monster auction, he didn't plead, he barely struggled, he just closed his eyes when the gun was held to his temple. And in this episode, he did plead with Rowena. After all, they have a connection. For once, it seemed like he might have a chance of talking someone out of killing him.

And maybe he's less willing to die this year? Maybe, with Jack and Mary, he feels like there's more of an upside to him being alive? Particularly with Jack, maybe he feels like he's needed by someone who needs protection and guidance in a way Dean doesn't?

And when Rowena's plan fails, and she has to face her loss, he has sympathy for her. For the woman who just tried to kill him. Because he's Sam Winchester.

All I know is, I think about this scene a lot. And not just for the obvious reasons.

Although those obvious reasons are, well... they're glorious.

(And yes, it turns out his last word was Dean. I think about that a lot, too.)

(Screencaps from Home of the Nutty, edited by me.)