In which I have feelings about Sam Winchester

[caranfindel]

Last week kalliel posted this review of 14.15, "Peace of Mind," that basically made me want to curl up in the corner and sob, especially when she talks about Sam breaking down (or just breaking) and telling Dean how much he hates the bunker right now, and how he needs a break, and Dean just saying "okay" and wandering off, and just go read it if you haven't, okay?

And then earlier this week finchandsparrow posted a review of 14.05, "Nightmare Logic," which may be delayed but is definitely worth the read. Particularly the bits about the performative nature of Mary's interactions with her sons, about how she seems to work so hard at looking like she has a real, actual relationship with them, and yet, there's nothing there.

So it was fitting, perhaps, that I caught 12.13, "Family Feud," as a TNT rerun yesterday, because it combines these two things: Sam needing something from his family that he's not getting, and Mary trying to look like she cares.

If you're reading this and thinking but Dean doesn't get what he needs either! then let me assure you I agree with you. But I'm talking about Sam right now.



(When are you NOT talking about Sam?)

Like you didn't know what you were getting into when you clicked this.

Anyway.

Season 12 gave us the Winchesters, all three of them, attempting to adjust to their new roles. We had Mary as the female version of Dean, right down to loud music and his favorite beef jerky. It was hard to tell back then, and honestly it still is, if Show was trying to say look, she's just like Dean or look at how HARD she's trying to copy Dean. We had her seeming to prefer Dean, and Dean maybe hoarding their relationship (or "relationship") in little ways, like not sharing her texts with Sam. And it made sense that she'd feel more comfortable with Dean. He was a four-year-old when she died. Four-year-olds have a lot of personality. A middle-aged man might still have a lot in common with his four-year-old self. She knew him. Sam, on the other hand, was a baby, and this grown man she's dealing with now bears no resemblance to him. He's a stranger who she feels she's expected to love. I mean, they both are, but especially Sam.

So at the end of "Family Feud," Mary returns from a clandestine assignment with Arthur Ketch bearing burgers and beer ("see! I'm a Winchester and this is what we do!") and then confesses to her sons that she's been working with the BMoL. Sam's first response is a little head-shake of disbelief and a gentle "Mom, we, um, we have a history with them." Not Mom, they kidnapped and tortured me. She answers "I know, Sam" and this didn't hit me so hard on first watch. At the time, it was just one underwhelming response to something truly horrible that happened to Sam. But now we've seen 13.22 "Exodus" and heard Mary say to Sam, who just came back from the dead, having been resurrected by his worst enemy, and to Dean, who watched as his brother was brought down by vampires and had to walk away, that "I know what you went through to come find me." It's different in that light, isn't it? It's a distressing pattern.




And what am I babbling about here? I don't really know. It seems like I had a direction when I started. I'm just thinking about Sam, and how he's finally asked for - no, demanded - what he needs this season. And I'm comparing it to two years ago, when he haltingly suggested his mother might not want to partner up with the people who kidnapped and tortured him, and how he wouldn't even come right out and say what they did, wouldn't look at her when he mumbled about broken ribs and burned feet, like he was already asking too much.





And while we're at it, may I remind you how gorgeous the guys were in this scene?

This season he has ignored Mary when she tried to blow off his concerns about Dean, he's thwarted Dean's suicide mission, he's been christened Chief, and I've applauded all of it. But now, as kalliel points out, he's asked for help in a more subtle way (admittedly from someone who needs a buttload of help himself) and been denied, and I just wonder what's going to happen. Will he stand up for himself again? Or will he slink back into the shadows of the bunker and put on his happy face and pretend everything is okay?

(Or will the writers ignore all of this?)

What's the point of this rambling essay? There is no point, except to say that Sam Winchester makes my heart hurt.



And thank Chuck, at least he's got Rowena.

Comments

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that scene in Family Fued where Dean does that thing with his jaw and Sam's face says "I feel confused, wait, no, that's not what this is, I feel betrayed". Heartbreaking and so much pretty and Mary Winchester will never redeem herself to me, not ever.

Also and also that gif of Sam manhandling Rowena made me feel a thing and I kind of want them to just have some very athletic sex but then that might fulfill Rowena's fate of being killed by Sam on account of the lifespan of most of his hookups.

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

That scene! “Don’t give me The Face.” THE FACE.

And I’m starting to think that a roll in the hay with Sam needs to be how Rowena dies. OR MAYBE I WILL BE THE ONE WHO DIES WHEN THAT HAPPENS. WHO KNOWS.

[verucasalt123.livejournal.com]

I know it's selfish considering the likely consequences, but I am always 100% in favor of Sam getting some action (except when he was with Ruby 2.0 obviously). Rowena is so tiny and Sam is so giant and I'm going to stop now bc I'll want to fic this and I'm sucky at het.

Please don't die!

Taking a closer look at the gif up top of Sam, there is something in his expression that really really reminds me of RoboSam. I feel like maybe RoboSam did that tiny head-shake a lot.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Kalliel's thoughts on Sam hurt...and then finchandsparrow made it worse, and you had to bring it back to Mary throwing her alliance with the BMoL in Sam's face...

And I am feeling very distressed over the way the world treats poor Sammy...

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

It was an emotional day!

[kazluvsbooks.livejournal.com]

I could read stuff like this forever!!
Now off to read the two review links.

Also wraps Sam in a blankie and pets his face (with my face)

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

:)

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

Oh Sam! Let me count the ways you kill us all every single day...

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

So many ways...

[lira-chimera.livejournal.com]

"So at the end of "Family Feud," Mary returns from a clandestine assignment with Arthur Ketch bearing burgers and beer ("see! I'm a Winchester and this is what we do!") and then confesses to her sons that she's been working with the BMoL. Sam's first response is a little head-shake of disbelief and a gentle "Mom, we, um, we have a history with them." Not Mom, they kidnapped and tortured me. She answers "I know, Sam" and this didn't hit me so hard on first watch. At the time, it was just one underwhelming response to something truly horrible that happened to Sam. But now we've seen 13.22 "Exodus" and heard Mary say to Sam, who just came back from the dead, having been resurrected by his worst enemy, and to Dean, who watched as his brother was brought down by vampires and had to walk away, that "I know what you went through to come find me." It's different in that light, isn't it? It's a distressing pattern."

This whole thing... just breaks my heart. Mary can not possibly know what her sons went through to find her. She's so... vacant and distant as to be almost like a mannequin sometimes and it just freaking breaks my heart. Especially when it comes to Sam being brought back from the dead by freaking LUCIFER.

I love all of this- but especially your thoughts on Sam and Rowena. :) If you, or anyone, writes this I really want to know. :D

[finchandsparrow.livejournal.com]

I feel like Mary is always saying "I know"!! (Off the top of my head, the 14x01 car scene with Sam is another example, and I'm betting there are more.) I don't think this phrase means what she thinks it means. I think when she says I know she's ultimately saying, "I am not going to examine this matter right now."

Also I love Sam and that first gif breaks my heart. </3