Initial reaction 14.16: “Don’t Go Into the Woods”

[caranfindel]

THEN: "Those guys hunt monsters!" S13 Sam bringing the AU hunters home where they'll be safe! Sam hates this place! Can we just stop here? Now that you've shown me Sam in that sweatshirt and camo jacket, and his PTSD flashbacks, and brokenly admitting how much he hates the bunker, it can only go downhill from this point. Let's stop while we're ahead. Ah well. Jack is a Winchester and "I'm me again," and is probably good, if one can believe that while watching him turn his pet snake to ash.

NOW: Two teens making out in the back seat of a car at a campground. The girl is antsy because something is whistling outside ("where are they, Camp Crystal Lake?" asks The Husband), and then a law enforcement officer opens the door and oh, god, I'm having a PTSD flashback myself, so let's move on. It's the sheriff, who is actually the guy's father, and there's some family drama. The girl, Barbara, goes to the bathroom to let the guys talk. The bathroom is pretty disgusting, but if she thinks the worst thing she'll see tonight is an awful bathroom, she's wrong. Sheriff Dad lectures his son Tom (Tom and Barbara? Is this a flashback? Are these two teenagers from the 60s?) while, in the bathroom, Barbara sees lights flashing and hears whistling and then SOMETHING puts a hand over the door. Screams, running, a glimpse of something monstrous, the sheriff trips over a tree root, and then Tom finds Barbara with her neck slashed open.

Title card!

Bunker. Sam is sitting in the dark kitchen, hunched over his laptop, looking sad (SAAAAAMMMMM!!!) and alone. Dean comes in and says "morning sunshine!" and teases him about looking at porn. So basically, we're trying real hard to act like everything is normal, aren't we, boys? Sam's found a case - our dead friend Barbara - and police called it an animal attack, but there's a history of disappearances. Dean asks about Sam's request to take some time and Sam looks puzzled and says "no, I'm good, honestly, I'm good." Dean gives him a hard look and is obviously thinking the same thing I am, which is that you're LYING, SAM WINCHESTER. But he accepts it.




Sam's lying face, and Dean's disbelieving face.

Cas is conveniently written out, having left because he's been cooped up in the bunker too long, and Dean doesn't want Jack to come. He's concerned about him having his powers back. He brings up the security guard, reminding us that Jack has accidentally killed someone before, just in case we forgot, and says "I just want to make sure he's right before we put him back out there." Sam reluctantly agrees.

They visit Jack, who is reading that it's illegal to turn someone into a zombie in Haiti (good to know). They tell him they're going out on a case, and Dean lies that he's not invited because they don't want to leave the bunker empty "in case Mom or some of the other hunters call." Sam looks very uncomfortable with the lie, maybe because it's so ridiculous (they have cell phones, and all the other hunters are dead), or maybe just because he doesn't like lying to Jack. Dean gives Jack a shopping list and asks him to restock the bunker. Beer is on the list twice. Jack smiles sweetly and says he'll do it, Sam looks uncomfortable some more, and the guys take off.

(Sidebar: are ALL of the other hunters actually dead? Did every AU hunter happen to be in the bunker the day Michael got out? Discuss.)

Camp Crystal Lake. (No, not really, but I don't remember what it's called, just that they're in Iowa.) The brothers are in FBI suits and overcoats \o/ and the sheriff is explaining that there's a lot of wildlife in the woods, coyotes and whatnot, and hikers get attacked. Like a coyote would do that kind of damage. They ask him if they can see the body, because a county sheriff would also be in charge of the morgue, wouldn't he (that was sarcasm because I think the answer is no, he would not, but what do I know?) and he's not thrilled but recognizes that he doesn't have a choice.

Morgue. Sam opens the drawer and as he pulls it out, dead Barbara's arm falls and hits Dean, who jumps back and mutters "mother-." I didn't even catch it, but The Husband did, so I had to rewind and then laugh. I don't know why Sam is so surprised at Dean's reaction, because even a hunter would jump when he gets smacked by a corpse, don't you think? But it's a cute moment.

Her eyes are an almost opaque blue-white, which makes me think zombie. And they did bring it up earlier, so... maybe? (Spoiler alert: nope.) It's obvious even to me that a coyote didn't cause the giant wounds on Barbara's arm and throat. Sam notes that the skin around the throat wounds is burned, and I swear to god, Jensen looks right at the camera and asks what would do that.



“Dude, seriously, you looked RIGHT at the camera there.”

I'm going to stick with the Sam and Dean story instead of going back and forth to Jack's story. Although we're not with the Winchesters right now; we're with Tom and Sheriff Dad. Tom wants to talk to Barbara's parents and Sheriff Dad says he needs to give them some time.

Later (or not? I can't tell) Sam and Dean are researching at the Sheriff's Department. "Kahunta," says Sam. "Gesundheit," says Dean. No, silly, a Kahunta is a "local Native American legend," an ancient beast that spits up burning stomach acid when it's hungry. (So, Zeitgeist, then? We've gone from Thanos to Zeitgeist?) Coincidentally, we see a couple walking in the woods who are accosted by a truly horrific creature that spits up burning acid.

Morning. Sheriff Dad is going over bloody photos of poor dead Barbara when his son comes in to discuss how animals who get a taste for human flesh won't be satisfied with anything else. And he has to do something. "You said it was a coyote, right?" Flashback of Barbara and the Definitely Not A Coyote. A deputy runs in and tells Sheriff Dad there's a situation.

The situation is the surviving half of the couple from earlier. Dean and Sam are there before the sheriff, because they're awesome or psychic or whatever, and they ask the survivor what she saw. She calls him "a guy covered in something" and tells the Winchesters where they were attacked. Then the sheriff rolls up, recalls the search party, and tells the Winchesters to stay out of the woods. They nod politely, and the sheriff leaves.

Well, we should probably do what he says.

Oh yeah. Definitely.

Hee!




The most important things about this scene are (1) overcoat porn, and (b) Sam's hair is slightly damp.

Nighttime. Sam and Dean are out in the woods, definitely doing what the sheriff said. They figure either he's hiding something, or he's scared. (Or maybe he knows something worth hiding, and that's why he's scared?) Sam mentions that "kahunta" means "whistler," which is either idle chit-chat, or important information that would have come up sooner. Dean asks how they kill it and Sam says "the lore doesn't really specify," and that's something that ABSOLUTELY would have come up sooner. Like, when they were packing their weapons bags. "What do we need?" "I don't know." Yeah, I really think they would have discussed that BEFORE they ended up in the woods. But what do I know. Dean suggests a head shot should kill anything, which is funny because that's come up elsewhere this season - a shot to the head being an alternate way to kill something with a complicated weapon requirement.

They hear the whistle, but when something comes up behind them, it's not the kahunta, it's the sheriff, with a gun pointed at Dean's head. (Sidebar: someday I'm going to have to learn the difference between a rifle and a shotgun, so I can call it something other than "gun.") Sam is very accommodating, immediately going into placating, see, I'm not a threat, I'm following instructions, don't shoot my brother mode. Dean's a bit sassier and asks Sheriff Dad if the word kahunta means anything to him. The sheriff lies that it does not, and Dean knows he's lying. Then Dean busts a move, ducking and lunging and ending up holding the sheriff's big gun, and Sam's right there beside him. Did Sam know what Dean was going to do, or did he just react that quickly? Doesn't matter. It's awesome. (Actually, it's funny that Sam has to run over to Dean, instead of just holding his gun on the sheriff from the other side.)

The sheriff tells them he thought the kahunta was a tribal legend, and oddly enough, I didn't catch on until now that Sheriff Dad is Native American. If I'd noticed that earlier, I would have wondered if he meant a coyote or the trickster god Coyote, and then I would have thought that would have been an amazing way for Gabriel to come back; he'd saunter out of the woods with a lollipop in his mouth and say "hi, fellas" and I'd fall over dead. But that ain't happening tonight.

The sheriff tells them how a person turns into a kahunta, but I'm going to skip that because honestly, I'm not finding it all that engrossing. Let's just look at how pretty the guys are, shall we?








Things that are unreasonably hot - Winchesters having guns held on them, holding guns on other people, looking confused and angry and concerned, and basically just standing there breathing.

The kahunta was bound to the woods, which is why the sheriff was trying to keep people away. When the Winchesters tell him they hunt monsters, he asks why they don't tell everyone that monsters are real, which is a really odd stance for him to take, considering that he's been lying about rabid coyotes to try to keep people out of the kahunta woods. The guys explain that it's not that simple, and Sam tells him that people, even hunters (especially hunters, right, Sam?) die, and is quite upset about it, and while I'm normally all about Sam and his trauma, this is falling flat for me. I don't know why the sheriff cares so much about them lying. I don't know why Sam cares so much about keeping people out of hunting, especially since he's generally the one who recognizes when someone is destined or determined to hunt, and tries to help them. (I mean, I suspect this is happening for Stupid Plot Reasons. But what do I know?)

The sheriff's phone rings. It's Tom, telling him he's going to go kill the "rabid coyote." Ruh roh! They know exactly where he's going, because that's where they know the kahunta hangs out, which doesn't explain why it's not where they went first. Sam points out that they don't know how to kill it, and Sheriff Dad says all the lore calls for a silver blade through the heart. Luckily, Sam has one. (Sidebar: Why wasn't that nugget in all of Sam's lore? Discuss.)

Tom has brought some raw meat to use as bait, but the kahunta ain't interested in that crap. It knocks him unconscious by opening a cabin door really aggressively (sigh) and then starts to drip stomach acid on him. Sheriff Dad comes in and says "hey," as one does, and they fight. Dean runs in and, instead of going for the kahunta, picks up Thomas and carries him outside. Then Sam runs in and shoots the kahunta as it gnaws on the sheriff. It attacks Sam, who drops his knife, as one does.

(Sidebar: Would a silver bullet have killed the kahunta? If all it needs is silver in the heart, wouldn't a bullet do the trick? Discuss.)

Sheriff Dad picks up Sam's silver knife. Dean returns and shoos him out of the cabin, and he doesn't say "wait, I have the only weapon that will kill this thing." Apparently the kahunta doesn't like Dean's flashlight. I don't really know what's going on here. It lunges for him, he lures it outside, and the sheriff stabs it with the knife, so I guess they actually had a plan there. The kahunta disintegrates into a gross little puddle of goo. Sam emerges, and I swear that thing was gnawing on him, but he's unhurt.



Just out of breath and hot AF.

Time jump! Tom is loaded into the ambulance and asks his father if they killed the "coyote." Dad says they did, and then tells the Winchesters that he didn't know what to tell the kid. "How about the truth," says Sam. "He's your son. He deserves the truth." Dean's expression reveals he knows Sam is actually talking to him, because the theme this week is Don't Lie, Kids. Or Don't Lie to Your Kids. Or something like that.



"I came out to have a good time, and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now."

Impala. Dean says he doesn't think telling Tom the truth is the best idea, and they should do what they always do. "When in doubt, lie."

Yeah, right. Like we did with Jack?

I took care of it, all right? We took care of it.

No, Dean, WE did not take care of it. YOU did. And do you think you really took care of it the right way?

Jack said he was fine!

Yeah, he's a kid! And when we were kids, how many times did we tell Dad that we were fine, just to make him happy?

Oh, like you did just weeks ago, maybe, Sam? Was that a lie? (Also, how heartbreaking is it that Sam is comparing his parenting to John's?)

Meanwhile, back in Lebanon, Jack (who apparently walked to town?) finds the Lebanon Mini Mart closed, with a note on the door saying "out to lunch." As he waits, a car pulls up. It's the three teenagers from 14.13 "Lebanon" - Max, Not!Max, and Hat boy. Max is carrying food, and Hat boy is watching the Ghostfacers on his phone. Not!Max seems to be wearing that red sheepskin-lined jacket Jack wore earlier in the season. Hat boy isn't wearing his hat.


Thanks for that fashion report, because that's why we watch the show, to see what the Television Version of These Kids Today wears.

They recognize Weird Bambi Kid, and Hat Boy asks where Sam and Dean are, and if they're fighting ghosts. "What's a ghost? I should go," Jack says. It's funnier on screen than it looks in print. They tell him they know about hunters, and Jack is relieved he doesn't have to lie, because it makes his stomach hurt. IT'S THIS WEEK'S THEME, JACK. It turns out Not!Max is the store employee who stepped out to go to lunch, so it looks like Jack gets to do Dean's shopping after all.

Jack fills his little basket as Max and Not!Max talk about him. They feel sorry for him because he lives with a bunch of guys (two other guys? is a bunch?) and their home probably smells like beer, Kleenex, and Old Spice. Kleenex? Has a smell? And is something you associate with a house full of guys? Okay, Max. (Besides, I'm convinced the bunker smells like Sam's rosemary mint shampoo. But what do I know?) Hat Boy wants to talk to Jack about the Ghostfacers, who are awesome, and the books he's reading. Jack tells Hat Boy way too much about monsters, and when they ask if he ever "hangs out," he tells them about Tuesday movie nights, when Dean makes them watch The Lost Boys (36 times, which is like a third of Jack's life in the bunker so far, isn't it?)

(Sidebar: Why aren't they watching Porky's II? Why would Dean be so interested in The Lost Boys? Wouldn't he hate its unrealistic portrayal of vampires? Or is he just a Keifer Sutherland fan? Discuss.)

Max suggests he could hang out with kids his own age, and Jack says "Well, I'm two. Two...wenty. I'm twenty. Two. I'm twenty-two." Again, it's funnier on screen. The girls invite Jack to hang out with them at "the Stoke place," which is "this old farmhouse outside of town... no one goes there." Jack's interested. Not!Max cards him for the beer.

The next day, at the Stoke Place, which is nice and furnished and has electricity and doesn't seem abandoned at all. I think it's the same place as the party from "Lebanon." Max and Not!Max start to kiss, and Hat Boy tells them to do that in another room, which I've been led to believe is exactly the opposite of what a heterosexual teenager would say if two hot lesbians were about to make out in front of him. But what do I know?

Jack shows up with a stack of books, which Hat Boy considered awesome, because Hat Boy is just really into this monster hunting business. Jack is very stranger-in-a-strange-land, not recognizing music (huh?) or SATs (and that means these kids are what, 16 or 17? way too young to be hanging out with someone who's too-wenty-two). Once again he talks way too much about monsters, and the way we focus on the girls when he says demons could look like "me, or you, or anybody" makes me think one of these chicks is gonna turn out to be a demon (spoiler alert: no). Max asks him, in a challenging way, how he killed a demon, which convinces me that she's the one. They move outside and he attempts to demonstrate throwing an angel blade ("so it's made out of angels?" hee!) but isn't very good at it.

Night falls and Jack is still unsuccessfully trying to embed his blade in a tree. He finally decides to use his powers. Voila! Seeing how impressed his new friends are, Jack starts to show off, twirling the blade like he twirled the pencil back in the bunker. Not!Max gets freaked out, so Max asks him to stop, but he refuses. Not!Max panics and runs toward the flying blade (which I don't think she'd do, but what do I know?) and gets stabbed in the gut. Whoops! She collapses, but Jack heals her. "Hey, that's cool, I bet you could heal anyone who got injured or killed, like maybe someone killed by an archangel," Hat Boy says. (No, not really.)

Even though he saved Not!Max, Jack's new friends are no longer feeling buddy-buddy and they send him away.

Bunker. Jack's basically where he was when the Winchesters left. He tells them he got the supplies, except for the beer.

I didn't have ID.

You have TONS of IDs.

They're fake!

Hee!

Sam sits down and the guys explain that they actually left him behind because they didn't want him using his powers yet, until they know he's comfortable. Dean tells him they care about him, which is the closest he'll get to tellin him he loves him unless someone's death is imminent. I like that Sam gets down on his level and radiates compassion, and Dean remains standing and shows authority. Because Dean is emulating John, and Sam is being the parent he wishes John was. (I'M NOT CRYING. YOU'RE CRYING.)


Sam's compassionate face is killing me.

Jack plasters on a smile and tells them he understands and promises he won't use his powers without permission. And says nothing at all happened while they were gone.

OH JACK.

So. This was co-written by Davy Perez, and normally I love a Perez episode, but this one left me unsatisfied. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't great. It was just kind of... eh. I guess it was bound to happen - that string of good episodes couldn't last forever. It did convince me further that Jack is going to become the Big Bad unintentionally, probably by trying to do something good or just trying to impress someone. And I'm not a fan of that possibility.

As always, please don't post any spoilers in the comments, thanks!

Comments

[marciaelena.livejournal.com]

Also, the Kleenex thing puzzled me too. The only thing I can think of is that Max imagines guys jerk off a lot and then use tissues to wipe off the mess. Which would make the bunker smell like something else, but whatever.

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

:P