Rewatch reaction 2.01: In My Time of Dying

[caranfindel]

I'm watching In My Time of Dying right now (for someone who has an actual full time job, I seem to end up at home watching Supernatural reruns on TNT for some reason, not that I'm complaining) and comparing the boys then and now is just heartbreaking. Poor baby Sam, such a badass confronting the demon who smashed into their car, desperately asking the EMTs if John and Dean are alive, watching his entire world slowly fall apart. Confused, scared Dean being forced to make an impossible choice. And both of them having so much faith in each other. (And to make things worse, an adorable Zillow commercial with a couple rejecting house after house because their little boy doesn't like the yard, and then finding the perfect house with the perfect yard for him and his unborn baby brother... GAWD. KILL ME NOW.)

Usually when I rewatch this episode (because it's one of my favorites), it's all about Sam and Dean. But the thing that really hits me today is John. The way he apologizes to Dean, tells him he's proud of him - basically, gives him some nice last words. Gives him a goodbye. And Sam? Does Sam get this nice goodbye? Does he apologize for disowning him? Does he tell him he's proud of him? No. He tells him "half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about, we're just butting heads" (neatly avoiding any blame) and then says "I've made some mistakes, but I always did the best I could" (again, shrugging off the blame for any of the horrible things he's done and said to Sam, because they were just "mistakes" and he did the best he could) and then dismisses him, knowing it's the last time they'll ever see each other. So no, Sam doesn't get any last words from his father that could possibly make him feel better. He doesn't get to hear his father apologize for what he did wrong, or tell him he's proud of him. He gets the blame shifted to him. You know what? Fuck you, John Winchester. 

Comments

[cuddyclothes.livejournal.com]

SO TRUE. Poor Sam.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh I was watching that scene again recently and that very thing struck me too. No closure for Sam at all. And it continues that way into the season. Dean is gutted by John's death and shuts Sam out. Sure, he has his reasons for doing that, but at no time Sam is really allowed to grieve. Dean tells him it's "too little, too late". The only (I suppose) heartening thing is that not much has really changed. The focus is on Dean's grief and angst. Sam is still pretty much left to deal with the fallout of anything by himself (which I always hope is part of his character and what makes him who he is, but I suspect it's more about mostly Sam being around/used to enhance Dean's reactions/emotions).

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

And meanwhile, Sam is trying to be supportive of Dean. Because that's who he is. (Sniff)