Four trains of thought for a Monday morning

[caranfindel]

Four things. Spoilers for 10.02 but they're also spoiler tagged inside so you can go ahead and click through if you haven't seen that one yet.

One. I've been working on this fic basically since season 9 ended, and I just can't force it to do what I want. I've tried different formats (it's a lot of dialog so I tried doing it as a script but I didn't like it) and so I thought I should just put it away and fix it later. But the thing is, some of what I wrote, that I assumed would be AU, is actually happening. Spoilers for 10.01 and 10.02: Some of Castiel's grace is left. Demon!Dean has run off with Crowley (okay, everybody guessed that was going to happen, but still). Sam's doing bad things to try and get information. Demon!Dean doesn't particularly want to kill Sam but he's also not at all interested in saving his life. And Sam captures him so he can do the demon cure. (Oh, and I forgot, I even broke Sam's right wrist! I swear I started writing this before I knew Sam would be in a sling.) So, part of me is like, yay, SPN is going where I want it to go. And that means I should just throw this fic away. And part of me is saying wait, I do like some bits and pieces of it, I'd hate to throw it all out. And another part of me says if 10.03 goes the way I've written this, I kind of want it out there just to show how amazingly prophetic I am. ;-) And it's never going to be AU enough to be completely AU, and yet it doesn't follow canon enough to be a tag or anything, it's just kind of semi-canon now. And I kind of need to post it because I have a follow-up planned that will absolutely, definitely, not be the direction the show goes, and if it does you will never hear from me again because I will have fallen over dead from shock. And then the cherry on my sundae of indecision is that kalliel goes and does the exact same thing, except, of course, that hers is amazing, because that's her purpose in life, apparently, to take what I want to do and do it so much better than I ever could. And add whales and bees to it.

Anyway. The only way I can stop messing with it and move on with my life is to go ahead and post it, so look for that coming later today. (I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED TO READ IT NOW, AFTER I'VE BUILT IT UP SO MUCH. PLEASE TRY TO CONTAIN YOURSELF.)

Two. I have this Funko Pop Castiel figure in my office that I'm trying to keep on top of my computer monitor, but he likes to tumble off backwards, so last week I had him stuck up there with tape, which seemed to be working, but I was watching the Sam/Dean confrontation from 10.02 (once again, let me apologize to my employers for not actually working but come on, can anyone blame me?) and he hurled himself right off and I said I KNOW CAS, I KNOW, I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

Three. I hope 10.03 is going to be amazing (I AM UNSPOILED DO NOT SPOIL ME) but they can't keep this up forever, so I'm afraid it means an upcoming episode is going to suck, and I'm going to be crushed, I'm going to be sailing on this high of multiple amazing episodes in a row and then have the floor collapse under me. It's going to be like when The End was followed by Fallen Idols. And I have a feeling it's going to be the one that even my unspoiled self knows about: the muscial episode. (THAT IS THE EXTENT OF MY SPOILAGE, PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL ME FURTHER.) And it makes me sad. (But what would make me sadder? If 10.03 is the one that sucks.)

Four. Yesterday, out of the blue, the husband asked me if money was no object, and I could have any car, new or old, what would I want, and I did not blurt out a black 1967 Impala you fool what else could it be because I don't really want him to know how obsessed I am. But you guys know, and you're okay with it, right?

Oh, wait, I have a number five, but it's not even remotely SPN-related. I'm wearing black pants and navy trouser socks. And I noticed before I left the house and said "oh, fuck it" and left anyway. I don't know why I feel like you need to know that. And who am I to make fun of Hannah's weird short pants, when I deliberately leave the house like this? (Boom. There you go. It's SPN-related now. Because everything is.)

Comments

[brightly-lit.livejournal.com]

HANNAH'S PANTS, WHAT IS GOING ON THERE? Short and ill-fitting to begin with (not to mention never a flattering color/shape, no matter how perfect the wearer's body), but also rolled up?? Arghh. All I can chalk it up to is, as with Cas's clothes for many a season, her vessel had terrible taste and it hasn't occurred to her angelic self that changing clothes might ever be considered a necessity. Which is actually great continuity, but it does subject the viewer to those pants with jarring frequency.

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

THEY ARE VERY BAD PANTS.

[kalliel]

Awww, the adventures of Action Cas! That's so cute, and I love it. <3333

And I see myself mentioned here ahaha, but I would like to say that I CAN ASSURE YOU that the piece in question is in no way any better than anything you can or will do!! AND I'D REALLY RATHER READ YOURS. Bingo squares aside, the only reason I finished mine in any sense was because it was getting so rapidly Kripke'd that if I let it linger any longer it was going to become totally irrelevant. And I mention this because as much as I want to say that regardless of how close to your fic premise canon ends up hewing, totally post it anyway and it totally doesn't matter!! (because this is true), I also very much understand that dilemma. Because even knowing that as a reader I really don't have a problem with reading speculative fiction that ends up being proved less speculative than "wow, canon, I just twinned you so hard wtf I love you but I also hate you, from a writing perspective I understand that 100%. And it's so distressing! Because canon writes a lot faster than I do, and I feel like this happens a lot, where I'm doing a thing, but then canon keeps galloping forward and gets there first. XP

Like, aside from the radical revision thing, I have another piece I'd really like to actually write (sooner rather than later, apparently, XP), and that certainly contains elements I like that the actual S10 will not contain, because if it did that would be completely fucking absurd. But at the same time, I'm like, well. Fuck it. The thematic/emotional terrain has already been walked by canon! Or soon will be! NOW I'M IRRELEVANT.

tl;dr LET US COMMISERATE. Though I'm very much looking forward to reading your fic, and its successor. And also your 10x02 drabble. <333333333333333333333333

OH OH. This comment is hideously long, but to add to the commiseration, I've totally had that fear of like "when is the other shoe going to drop here, Show." Because it's like, statistically impossible that the season will progress from 1 to 23 flawlessly. It's just not going to happen. If it hasn't happened in the last nine years, how could it happen now? And like, that's totally fine. I'm not by nature a perfection-seeker, and it's not something I've really ever held SPN to, because 23 episode is a lot of fucking television, and the timeframe during which it was created is very very slim. But I'm afraid I'll be heartbroken when that time comes, and yet I'll be anxious about it until it does.

I'm trying to calm myself down about it by being like, well, okay. I fucking loved S9 and neither 9x01 nor 9x02 were as good as 10x01 and 10x02 were (and I say that with a lot of love for those eps of S9). 9x04 is probably my least favorite episode in all of SPN and I SURVIVED, I WAS ACTUALLY REALLY OKAY WITH IT. And 9x05 wasn't great either, and I'm still fond of that one, too. And so on and so forth. It is okay, self, you'll be okay. You. will. be. okay! XP

BUT UGH THE ANXIOUSSSSSSNESSSSSSSS. I'm really nervous for 10x03, too, because it's such a pivotal episode--it really needs to be good??? I mean, worst case scenario, there's going to be shitton of excellent fic for it. But hang fanfic for a moment. I just really want that episode to be good!

OKAY. I AM DONE WITH MY ESSAY FOR THE NIGHT.

[caranfindel.livejournal.com]

Well, it's up, and it's so ridiculously long that no one will read it before they watch 10.03 anyway. Irony.

[justmep2.livejournal.com]

lol about Cas falling from your monitor just on cue.
I feel the same about tonight's episode and mostly unspoiled as well, but man, I need it to be good and I want the 200th to be fantastic. I'm okay if 10.04 is the not-so-great episode in this batch, but please don't let it be those two!